Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
