Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
