thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
