I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
