What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
