I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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