Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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