This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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