no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
