I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
