Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
smell my finger.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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