Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
