just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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