Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
