Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
