im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
