I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
