I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
