My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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