Where did you get a picture of my penis
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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