I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
