The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
