Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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