We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
