She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
