This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
