I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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