my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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