The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
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