I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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