Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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