Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
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