I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
