dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So much Jack, so little girl.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
