Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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