apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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