Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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