I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
