Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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