I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
