guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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