im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
