she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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