I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
