So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
