too bad you live with your parents still
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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