that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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