i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
