i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
