similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
