i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
