I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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