I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I believe in your delicious
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
