I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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