I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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