the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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